Ever felt your stomach drop the moment someone says, “Can I give you some feedback?” You’re not alone. Our instinct is to get defensive, but what if I told you that feedback—no matter how uncomfortable—is the fastest way to level up as a leader?
Feedback is a gift! No matter how well you’re already doing, you can always do better, and feedback will help you get there. Receiving feedback well builds trust among your team and prompts you to level up.
Becoming a leader who welcomes feedback isn’t just about personal growth—it’s about building a culture where feedback fuels success. Over the years, I’ve identified 7 essential leadership practices that help leaders level up, gain trust, and drive results.
Here are three ways to become a graceful receiver:
1. Embody Empathy. When a team member gives you feedback, they’re taking a risk. They may worry about how you’ll react—especially if you’re more senior than them.
Keep this in mind:
Recognize their courage. It’s not easy to give feedback to a leader. They may be nervous about how you’ll take it, so appreciate their willingness to speak up.
Assume good intentions. Most people aren’t trying to criticize you; they’re trying to help. Feedback is rarely personal—it’s about improving results, relationships, or performance.
Don’t shoot the messenger. The person giving you feedback is just sharing what they’ve observed. If you react negatively, you discourage them (and others) from speaking up in the future.
Listen before you react. If your first instinct is to get defensive, pause. Give them space to share their perspective without interruption.
Shift your mindset. Instead of seeing feedback as an attack, view it as a gift that can make you better. Every great leader embraces feedback—not avoids it. The more you make people feel safe giving you feedback, the more valuable insights you’ll receive—and the stronger your leadership will become.
2. Avoid Annoyance. A surefire way to take the wind out of a feedback conversation’s sails: act like you already know what the other person is trying to tell you, and/or say that you’re already working on it.
Even if you’ve heard similar feedback before, you need to hear it again. If your behavior hasn’t changed, that’s a sign that feedback still holds value.
Every perspective matters. This person is offering their unique viewpoint on your leadership—one that could spark an insight you haven’t considered.
React poorly, and the feedback stops. If you respond with annoyance or defensiveness, chances are, they won’t bother giving you feedback again. And that’s a problem—because the best leaders welcome feedback, not avoid it. And by the way—you won’t find many great employees who will happily work for a leader who gets irritated by feedback.
3. Be Grateful & Get Curious. So, how should you respond when given feedback? Follow these steps:
Say "Thank you" first. Even if the feedback stings, start with gratitude. A simple "Thank you for sharing that with me" makes the other person feel valued and encourages them to keep offering insights in the future.
Assume positive intent. Even if you don’t fully agree with their perspective, remember—they took a chance by approaching you. Their goal is (likely) to help, not to tear you down.
Fight the instinct to get defensive. Instead of immediately explaining yourself, pause and listen. Defensive reactions shut down valuable conversations. Ask yourself: "What do I still not know?" Every piece of feedback contains hidden insights. Dig deeper—what’s the real issue behind their perspective?
Get curious and ask follow-up questions. Try:
Then, find the gold. Even if the feedback isn’t delivered perfectly, look for the useful takeaway. What’s one thing you can apply to improve? Growth comes from discomfort—lean into it. The more you practice receiving feedback well, the stronger you become as a leader. By shifting your mindset from defensive to curious, you transform feedback into a powerful tool for personal and professional growth.
Rejecting feedback will:
Accepting feedback will:
If you want to become a graceful receiver but still find yourself struggling, consider asking your coach for help. (Don’t have a coach? Don’t miss out on expert guidance.) You can also learn numerous practical lessons about being curious and leveling up in my latest book, The Journey to CEO Success: 7 Practices for High Growth Leadership. (Click the link to download it now for free!)
When you learn to receive feedback well, you will start receiving more of it. What will you do with your next piece of feedback? Will you reject it—or use it to grow? The choice is yours. Great leaders choose growth.